I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
