He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
