we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
