I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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