In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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