I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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