The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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