Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
