i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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