Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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