Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
