Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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