last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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