Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
