I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
