can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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