He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
