areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
