I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
