I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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