why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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