I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
