I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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