I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
