and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize