i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Pants are for mortals
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
