i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
