I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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