I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
