Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
