My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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