Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
