My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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