i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
