Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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