Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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