honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
