apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
