i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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