She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
