its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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