what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
