You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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