Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
