Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
