Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
