my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Alive.
So much puke
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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