Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
