i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like death gave me a hand job
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
