i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
