I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
smell my finger.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
