he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
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