Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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