I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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