every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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