I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Randomize
