i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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