2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
