I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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