I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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