I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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