i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize