I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
