Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
