There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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