I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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