listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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