the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Mom said you looked used
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
